Finally through with exams and now on end-of-session break. It’s been fun, it’s been tasking, it’s been great, it’s been challenging, it’s been insightful and above all, it’s been God Almighty.
I left school with the intent to spend as much time as I can with my children this holiday season because of the realization that, after the holiday comes the familiar cycle of classes, assignments, personal projects, and lots more. And this time around, it would be a lot more engaging as we would be starting our major courses. And that’s what I’m doing now, spending all the time circumstances permit me to spend with them.
A little throwback to during our exams and all I could think about was getting through with the session and going home, (at my leisure though) not while reading or writing exams. The thought of spending a remarkable time with my children during the coming break, kept me forging ahead and facing the exams squarely. I just wanted to complete the phase (as I’m sure most of my other course mates want too) and move on to the next, where we’ll be starting our monochrome story (that will be the title of the next season’s write-ups).
My little man is now a year old, remember that little baby I had to wean at a very tender age, just to go pursue a dream. Well, he now runs around the house and is almost as independent as they always proof to be at that age, wanting to be free and not have you carrying them about or trying to stall their movement. He now recognises me well enough to run up to me as soon as I return from school, and after some minutes, he wants to be back on his feet, doing his merry-go-round thingy, sometimes i find myself wondering if they don’t feel pains in their legs for the number of minutes they can keep walking and standing or trying to run around, and throwing a fit when you try to clamp them down.
I had been bothered before, you see, I was scared, that he would not recognize me, or that he would not love me, that he might only get to know and just accept me as his mother only when he’s grown enough to believe by himself that this is the woman that bore me, that is after being told the story. I remember the days I would get home and his gaze would just fall on me as a stranger, and he would keep to my mom’s side, allowing only her and my little sister to carry him. I remember crying once, that would he ever grow to recognize and see me as his mother, hope he doesn’t feel abandoned and I remember trying to console myself that, I grew to know and love my mother still, despite that she had to leave us with her mother to be able to go to school too. So I remain hopeful.
I was unable to celebrate his first year with him, as I was tied back by something very important in school, but the following day didn’t meet me on campus. I went home and held unto him like I would to life, willing him to feel, to understand how much he means to me and how much it pains me that things had to be that way. He just looked at me, gave me a couple of his toothy grin, played with my brooches and after some while, squirmed to be let down to continue his exploration with his new found exercise of walking.
His sister was already used to the realization that momma has to go to school just as she is going to school, and I hope someday soon, she’ll also be able to explain to her kid brother why mom is not always around. All I hear when I call home is, “mommy come” and I imagine her nodding her little head while saying that. I then tell her “I’m coming home soon baby,” with emotion-ladened voice, I would add “take care of your little brother and be a good girl”. And when I’m home, she hardly leaves my side.
Now I’m home, trying to spend as much time as I can with them. Lil’ man already got used to my goings and comings, as I have to go to their dad too, then come back to spend a few days with them before going back again. Most importantly, he now recognises me well enough to always want to be with me when I’m around too. And he only leaves to go and Play after being sure that he’ll find me where he left me, he then renders the air in his cries as soon as he realizes I’m leaving again.
This holiday has not really been an holiday for me except that there are no classes to attend or tests to be had. But my usual activity-filled life remains, as I still write, manage a few blogs, did a few online courses and obtained the certificates to some, traveled to Ibadan to visit my little sister, used the opportunity to visit the first university in West Africa, University of Ibadan, 20 years after I’ve been there last, also participated in some charity works, I even won another poetry competition- a poem for charity, organised by the Arms of Clemency charity organisation, most importantly, I launched my foundation for children – NobleHeart Children Foundation, a dream I’ve been nurturing for some while now.
“Mamma” as I fondly call my daughter is already asking, “mommy when will you go to school?” and I told her: soon, that we’re presently on break and that means spending a lot of time with her and her brother. Soon is here already though, as we’ll be resuming in a few days time and the cycle would be back.
Truth is, I can hardly wait to go back too, let’s get this cycle rolling, get unto the next phase of my journey, count lesser years to my destination, and spend the rest of my life, living, loving, and learning with my kids around me.